Don't Make a Valentine's Mistake

There are always plenty of reasons to fight, even in a good relationship. Differences in sleep habits (early risers vs. late risers), cleanliness (neat vs. messy), and temperament (loud and social vs. quiet and introverted) provide plenty of fodder for being annoyed, irritated or even mad at our loved ones. Valentine’s Day, however, adds another twist: high expectations.

The people on TV are getting all sorts of fancy gifts, right? Everyone is reserving a dinner spot at a little trendy restaurant. The shopping aisles are full of cards and candy—and every other corner has someone out selling flowers. Even if you think Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday it is hard not to be affected by the buzz that surrounds it.

It is no wonder, then, that many people spend quite a bit of time feeling disappointed, mad, pressured, let down and embarrassed on this holiday that is supposed to promote feelings of love and romanticism. If anything is wrong, even something rather harmless, it seems to symbolize what is wrong in the relationship in general. “He never remembers.” “She is too negative.” “He always gets the wrong presents.” “She expects that one great day can make up for some really bad weeks.” It’s hard to have a good time when the stakes are so high.

So here’s the antidote: Talk with your partner about what you want. Don’t expect her to buy the gift you want if she always gets you socks. Mention tonight what you’d like to do, where you’d like to be, or what you’d like to receive (especially if not doing that, going there, or getting something will end up making you crazy). Likewise if something is really important you might have to do it yourself. Don’t expect him to make a reservation for dinner if he has never done that in his life. Go ahead and make the call yourself—because it is the time together that is important, not who has the best memory.

And here’s the second antidote: Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be perfect. If your Valentine’s Day is terrible it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed, or that your partner is not a keeper, or that you are unlovable. It just means that one day didn’t go as you hoped. Fortunately every day is a new day and we can always change how we are relating to one another for the better.

Best wishes for a Valentine’s Day filled with laughter, patience, and tolerance.

Rekindle Counseling

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Marriage counseling and couple counseling are available at Rekindle Counseling, located at on France Ave. in Edina, Minnesota. If you live in Minnesota call today for a free thirty-minute consultation: 952-929-9929.

Rekindle Counseling, 6950 France Ave. S., #204, Edina, Minnesota, 55435.