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Interesting Idea...
When you arrive home consider giving your partner a hug that lasts until both of you relax. Some brain research suggests that an exercise like this puts us back into “partner” mode and helps us connect as we enter back into “partner” land.**
Article:
When Your Partner is Bugging You
Copyright Rekindle Counseling, 2008
Your partner has just done something annoying (again!!) and what’s worse is that you think it may have been on purpose. It may not be something that big (maybe he ignored you when you came home or she left all the dishes piled up in the sink) but it is irritating.
You stand and fume for a minute, and then weigh your options.
- Silent treatment?
- Nagging? Maybe whining?
- Slam a door or two?
- Give a well-deserved lecture?
- Turn around and walk out?
And suddenly you realize that you are even more upset and annoyed because it isn’t that much fun to slam doors, whine, or give the silent treatment. You don’t like what your partner did, but you don’t know how to deal with it without engaging in behavior you don’t like in yourself…
Ever felt like this with someone you are supposed to love? (Maybe the ninetieth time she leaves her clothes on the floor in the bathroom, or the eighty-third time he comes home later than he said?) Did it bring out your inner three-year-old and lead you to do something that didn’t work very well and didn’t even make you feel better?
Most of us have had those moments (or even those days or weeks). It’s no fun to get caught in a cycle where we are feeling offended by our partner, and then we are doing things that make us no fun to our partner either. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, and your partner has been there too.
So what do you do when your partner is bugging you? What do you do when you start expecting him or her to be annoying and you can’t stop being mad? Here are a few options that might help you break the cycle.
• Remember a time when you were equally annoying. Be honest.
• Think of a something your partner did that was nice. Go and say ‘thank you.’
• List out some of your habits that drive your partner crazy. Think about the last time she or he put up with one of your habits.
• Journal all of your angry thoughts. Rip it up.
• Do something to calm yourself down and put yourself in a good mood. Talk about your concern only after you are feeling relaxed.
• Fix the problem—pick up the socks or do the dishes. Decide it is not a big deal.
• Use constructive words to state your complaint—be specific and don’t use words like ‘always’ or ‘never.’
• Remind yourself why you like this person in the first place. Take a minute to be thankful for what goes right between you.
Remember—each of us has the ability to affect our relationship (and our own mental health) by how we handle stress, disappointments, and problems. Work toward being your best self and you give yourself a better chance of having a partner who is his or her best self too.
Best wishes navigating the waters of relationships!
Rekindle Counseling
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Marriage counseling and couple counseling are available at Rekindle Counseling, located at on France Ave. in Edina, Minnesota. If you live in Minnesota call today for a free thirty-minute consultation: 952-929-9929.
Rekindle Counseling, 6950 France Ave. S., #204, Edina, Minnesota, 55435.
**From a lecture by Stan Tatkin, Psy.D.
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